"Just get over it."
We're all tired of hearing it, because for those living with depression it's never that easy. Depression is an uninvited guest that won't leave when asked.
Depression may have cast a shroud of darkness over your life. You are exhausted by sometimes unbearable sadness and emotional pain, unable to find energy to manage tasks that seem simple. "Just" getting out of bed in the morning may feel impossible - whether it's because you're afraid to face the day, because you wonder what the point is, or because your body feels so heavy and slow the energy to rise just isn't there.
You withdraw into yourself, avoiding feared situations or overwhelming expectations. You feel hopeless, worthless, sad, and empty. Maybe you sleep all day, or maybe you barely sleep at all. You've lost interest and enjoyment in things you used to love, in spending time with people - in everything. You struggle to see a future for yourself, and may have even begun to consider suicide.
While depression isn't something you can simply "get over," there are reasons to be hopeful, even when hope seems in short supply. Depression rarely lasts, and it responds to many different kinds of treatment, including psychotherapy. Psychotherapy isn't easy, but it is worth it - because you're worth it, whether you believe it yet or not.
Your heart pounds, and your chest feels tight. You feel hot and it's difficult to breathe. You feel shaky, dizzy, filled with unbearable electricity. You want to run, to hide, to curl up in a ball to escape the source of these terrible feelings. You feel like you're dying, going crazy, or like you'll explode from the strain. And yet some part of you is impatient, angry, exasperated - why is this such a big deal? Why can't I just make this stop?
Or maybe it's more sneaky than that. Maybe it's an insistent refrain in your head - What if this happens? What if it's a disaster? What if I can't handle it? What if I fail? Maybe the "what if's" stack up until your body is wound tight like a spring, and you're irritable, agitated, and struggling to sleep at night amidst spiraling thoughts of catastrophes and worst-case scenarios.
Or maybe it's that thought that keeps popping into your head, the thought that brings shame, disgust, or fear that something horrible will happen. That thought that you have to stop somehow, because if you keep thinking it, it might become real. Maybe the only way to make it quiet is to ward it off - by putting things in order, by checking over and over that everything is okay...but the thoughts and fear keep coming back anyway.
This - and so much more - is anxiety.
The driving force behind anxiety is avoidance - the very impulse to run away from danger is what makes us believe the danger is real. Knowing the difference between true danger and "maybe" danger is key - because when the danger isn't likely to happen, the best way forward is to walk through the fear to face the things that make you most afraid.
I'll walk through it with you.
Traumatic life experiences come in many shapes and sizes - yet none of them are trivial. While many think of war or natural disasters when they think of trauma and PTSD, there are many other life events that evoke trauma responses - abuse, assault, harassment, or bullying that involves sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, and/or financial harm; occupational hazards and stress; traumatic loss of a loved one...the list goes on.
Your existence following a trauma may be one of profound isolation, of intrusive thoughts and memories, of fear and avoidance, of reluctance to trust that people, places, and/or situations are safe, of intense physical and/or emotional pain and suffering. You may be afraid to open the box you've tried to place the memories in, only to find them escaping the box without warning. You may long to put the events behind you, only to find they follow everywhere you go.
Together, we can shine a light into the shadows of the past, find ways to find peace and meaning within your experiences, discover how your struggles have defined you, and decide whether the connections between past and present can be redefined to build a brighter future.
*Note: Unfortunately, I am unable to provide services for WSIB-funded clients. I can provide referral information for practitioners who specialize in WSIB cases on request.
No matter where you are in your exploration of your identity, your process of being and loving yourself, and your ways of loving others, I am here to support you. I offer service geared toward self-acceptance, relationship development and satisfaction, social and occupational adjustment as you welcome others in to your identity, and mental health promotion for all members of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community.
If you are a member of the trans community, or are otherwise questioning or exploring your gender, you may have faced frustration and isolation because some "LGBTQ+ friendly" services are not well-equipped or educated in providing specific supports for the unique experiences of trans and gender-diverse folks. I have extensive experience with transgender and non-binary clients at every stage of social and medical transition - and beyond. I would be honoured to support you as you emerge from behind the mask of assigned gender to reveal the amazing person you are.
Seeing and engaging with the world differently than those around you should not be a source of shame or exclusion - but it can be so hard to believe that when lived experience teaches us otherwise. As a neurodiverse or otherwise disabled person you may have struggled much of your life with fitting in, being understood by others, coping with social, educational, and occupational demands, and forming satisfying relationships. If your discovery of your neurodiversity and/or disability is coming later in life, you may have struggled for years to understand why everything seems so hard for you when it appears so easy for others. You may have learned to blame yourself, to see yourself as broken, faulty, lazy, unloveable - because other people have treated you as if you are.
But you are not broken. You are whole. Your value is not determined by what you can do for others, or for yourself. Your immeasurable value lies in existing as who you are, right now, exactly as you are. You deserve to be seen and understood.
I offer individual adult psychotherapy for neurodiverse clients, with a strong focus on self-acceptance, disability advocacy, accommodation, and development of "life hacks" to tolerate and navigate a world built for those who exist inside the boundaries of ableism. More importantly, we will work to break out of those boundaries when existing within them is unnecessary.
It's just...too...much.
The turn of the decade opened into in a world turned upside-down, filled with rapid changes, overwhelming combinations of isolation and information overload, crushing added responsibility, and coping with less-than-ideal circumstances in every area of our lives. Although for many, the paralysis of the COVID-19 lockdown may be over, with some re-emerging into work, social, and recreational activities - others may remain in isolation, still unable to risk exposure to the ongoing pandemic. For all of us, we live in a world forever changed - for good and ill, there is no "back to normal." And that's a heavy load to carry.
Or maybe the pandemic has nothing to do with it. Maybe your life has been that way as long as you can remember - maybe career, family, relationships, finances, and other responsibilities have fallen on you for years. Maybe you were already carrying an unbearable load, and you still carry it now.
Maybe you've been left rethinking your life, your career, your relationships, or your direction in life, or maybe you're too busy struggling with the unending pressure of the here-and-now to even contemplate change. Amidst all the chaos, the "pivoting," the pressure, and the confusion, you may have lost sight of yourself.
I will work with you to find ways to put yourself first, to care for yourself (in ways that don't add additional items to an already staggering "to-do" list), to check in with your values and whether your circumstances are working for you, and to devise strategies for meaningful change if they don't.
So many of us measure who we are based on who we are to others, whether or not that's a fair way to see ourselves. Whether it's a romantic partner or partners, family member(s), friends, or co-workers, relationships are complex and ever-changing, and can be sources of both great joy and deep distress. When a relationship is filled with conflict, it impacts every corner of our lives, and leads us to view ourselves in a distorted or broken mirror.
Maybe you're feeling trapped in a romantic relationship that feels wrong because of continual conflict or abuse, and you're feeling confused about what to do. Maybe your relationship recently ended, and you're struggling with grief, loss, and feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. Maybe you or your partner have had an affair - an experience so isolating and misunderstood you may have nobody safe to talk to. Maybe you are polyamorous or have an open relationship and are struggling to maintain boundaries or meet your own needs as you navigate the complex dynamics of multiple partnerships. Or maybe you're single and struggling with loneliness and the alienating experience of modern dating.
Or maybe it's family relationships that are weighing on you - perhaps a family member is abusive and you feel trapped, confused, overwhelmed - and responsible. Or maybe a loved one is ill, disabled, or struggling and your battery is slowly draining as you attempt to help with insufficient supports.
Maybe a friend, co-worker, roommate or peer is making you feel insecure, unseen, unappreciated, harassed, or bullied, and you don't know how to disengage. Or maybe you struggle to make connections with people, lonely and wishing for friends but not knowing how to find them.
I can offer support for challenging relationships in many ways - by building skills with assertiveness, setting boundaries, communicating needs, identifying abuse, and navigating challenging emotions - but above all, in ensuring your relationships are spaces where you feel valued and seen for who you are.
I welcome you to reach out, to begin our investigation of the dark shadows of the past and present, to illuminate a path to a kinder tomorrow.
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